A dragonfly carries with it the wisdom of transformation and adaptability, symbolizing change and transformation, according to Wikipedia.
As spirit animals, dragonflies are connected to the symbolism of change and light. When a dragonfly enters your life as a spirit animal, it may be asking you not to take life too seriously. It may even ask you to dance and seek the light. Dragonfly spirit animal represents adaptability, joy, and lightness of being. It is a symbol of the realm of feelings, asking you to dive deep into your emotions.
I’d like to think that’s why the dragonfly is my spirit animal. I always thought it was that someone from the beyond was winking…no, that’s butterflies. I don’t know, I’ve always been drawn to them seemingly, as they have to me. I love change and I see the light in people, and I’ve always loved to dance. I hadn’t seen a dragonfly here yet, but I know it is okay because I am here now.
I think it’s about finding your intended direction, what you were meant to do and often, having to re-create yourself. It is in looking at where you’re at and appreciating it for all that is, not living in “fight or flight,” as I always remember having done. It’s not jumping too fast to the next thing and overlooking what’s right in front of you…all while trying to please everyone along the way.
Move One:
The decision to move elsewhere was a difficult one. The kids were mostly grown and certainly too busy for us at the time. We’d be lucky enough to see them once a month, while our living situation was dwindling. Wrong turns, bad decisions about those we thought to be our friends, no work for me and him getting laid off from his job after over 10 years were also factors. Estranged siblings, substance abuse, it all came to a head.
We had a house that we’d made into a home, and within a few months it felt like a shell. It could’ve been a tee pee at that point, but it no longer felt like a home.
We were flailing on the vine, so to speak, and both came to the decision to move from our birth state, a huge move for me, specifically, who’d never known anywhere else. Regardless, it was an adventurous undertaking awaiting us and a move was direly needed. Where to go was the more serious question, which we quickly decided on Missouri, where his two daughters, our grandson and his sister’s whole crew lived.
He had, as I’ve always said, sacrificed of himself to stay with me in Michigan, he had come home to take care of his father…six years prior. He stayed because I wanted to be near my two youngest children. When the suggestion of going down South came up, it was a no-brainer for me. It would get out us out of the shit going on in Michigan, while giving us closer proximity to his family.
We stayed in a motel for about a week looking at rentals upon arriving in Joplin. We were then kicked out of the sketchy motel for growing marijuana in the room. They only said it smelled like we were smoking it, which we weren’t, but we were still evicted. You see, in Michigan we were growing it, a full level of our house was a grow room. In Missouri it was still illegal. So that was a fun conversation home with my stepdaughter, who, with our son-in-law, opened their home to us until we found a place a few days later. I felt so low, what an idiot, why would I have had the staff to come into the room to change a light bulb, to get us evicted? Sometimes even I surprise myself.
So, we got into our own place- it was cute. A 3-bedroom ranch style home with a garage. The one neighbor was horrible, but other than that, it was alright. Wood floors throughout. Lots of windows, I had an office, while my husband had built a bar in the garage. We brought our demons with us, though, and we ended up hanging out with the same types of people we’d fallen in with back in Michigan. He was working a ton, I’d had a job here or an interview there, but nothing serious.
He’d called this one before I did. It hurt that we were by his kids, and they were busy…they’re adults now, and although we both knew it, I knew it hurt him more than he let on.
The weather conditions and humidity in Missouri were atrocious. First, my feet, then my hands, then shoulders…it was out of control. Not, of course, stopping the self-medicating I was doing, I just couldn’t seem to feel better. I was having flare-ups of all kinds, and the heat was coming. I threw in the towel finally, too, and we prepared to begin a new life in Alaska. My husband lived in Juneau back in the late ‘80s and always wanted to return there, a move I long had hoped would come to fruition. I wanted to see some of the world, I hadn’t seen much until he began showing me the country.
Somewhere along the line in there, a family member asked him for help with their house. Although it threw a little wrench in schedule-wise, it was an opportunity for us to visit and for him to work out there and get paid, giving us the money we needed to uproot again and move. We’d sold most of our belongings when we’d left Michigan but replaced a lot of it while in Missouri. This time we sold nearly everything.
When we got out West, it took us in. We halted our idea on Alaska for the time being and decided to live in Washington state. There was plenty of work for him and I was sure I would find something. It didn’t go well. Between family drama, substance abuse and other things I’ve already rehashed in therapy, there’s not much more to say than it didn’t work out. There were some very irreversible damages, by all parties involved.
So…back to the Alaska idea. We couldn’t fly out for a few weeks, but we could do it. I was flailing medically, really. I hadn’t been self-medicating since Missouri, but I was feeling the after-effects and withdrawal symptoms to the max throughout this time. I remember driving across country from Missouri to Washington with everything that we owned. I remember going to Sturgis, SD and having to go to an emergency room an hour down the road for a steroid injection so I could drive back to a tent in 110 -degree heat. I remember the hallucinations as vividly as if I’d just had them.
My husband and I got separated for a couple days- another experience locked tight in my therapist’s notes. I remember doing it on my own, and realizing that I could, and that was a very euphonious day for me. I also realized that, although I could do it myself, that I needed my husband. I was not whole without him, I’m still not, even when he’s away on work. I remember being in Washington, I remember staying in an RV, and then I remember it got a lot worse. Some loved ones were privy to my comedown, and they were placed in a situation that just never should have happened.
We stayed in a tent for nearly an entire month between Washington State and Montana ~ my husband, my two dogs and I, before flying to Juneau. We barely spoke, somethings were better left unsaid. So much had gone on, so much good, so much bad. So much we would never have expected. There were things that occurred that we’ve not talked about with each until recently, and that’s okay. The point is we got through it, as many obstacles lay in our way, we were doing it.
I don’t think he thought I was serious, either. But when I pulled up our paid for, September 5, 2021, airline tickets, I think he realized I was.
We were clearly not in our right minds when we made the “gameplan for Alaska.” I can laugh now. We landed on a Sunday night, rainy, and after about an hour the valium started kicking in for the dogs, because the flight for them was a nightmare. Our “calm” dog was physically shaken, just terrified. And the usually hyper dog was still wild-eyed and crazy. We will never fly our dogs in cargo again, it was ridiculous how upset they were.
The cab picked us up from the airport and brought us to our hotel, The Alaskan Hotel and Bar, downtown, Juneau, Alaska. I feel like I had my mouth wide open this whole time. I’d never seen anything like this before, the streets all lit up, it was nine o’clock at night and it was still light. You could see up in the sky out towards the airport and see some lighting, hear the distant thunder and see the rain. It was just magical, that’s how I remember it and that’s how I will forever remember our arrival to Juneau.
Thanks goodness the hotel was a long-term rental, as we found a week wasn’t nearly enough to locate housing. We stayed in the hotel until February of this year. Five months with my husband and I and our two dogs, in a room set up like a studio apartment. It was cramped, but we made it and we were making the subtle move of being tourists to being residents. We found a condo three months ago where we all have a little more room and are close to having a schedule down. With my husband having such an unscheduled-like schedule, we are still doing alright. I’ve really gotten into writing again and thank you for reading this! My life is for those that share and appreciate my light, as I can only relate to others who have it.
I know I’m not a dragonfly, but I know that for some reason I have a strong connection to them.
A dragonfly carries with it the wisdom of transformation and adaptability, symbolizing change and transformation, according to Wikipedia.
As spirit animals, dragonflies are connected to the symbolism of change and light. When a dragonfly enters your life as a spirit animal, it may be asking you not to take life too seriously. It may even ask you to dance and seek the light. Dragonfly spirit animal represents adaptability, joy, and lightness of being. It is a symbol of the realm of feelings, asking you to dive deep into your emotions.
